What's the hardest, most embarrassing or most inappropriate question you were asked this holiday season? Who asked it?
Him: "Why were you in therapy?"
Me: "Because I'm fuck nuts."
I found it to be quite hilarious. :) It came from a man (that explains a lot) with whom I have relatively limited association.
Ask a crazy question, get a crazy answer!
We spent time with family. We ate italian sausages. We played a part in some couple's engagement story in front of the National Christmas tree. We opened our new pajamas. And I cried while trying to read our traditional Christmas books.
Or any other body part for that matter. Now it was another story for Alex and Josiah.....
If there is anything my mother isn't known for, it's being graceful on her feet. My mother trips and bumbles over the smallest things, sometimes over nothing at all.
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For really real too.
October 17th, 2009, the day of inf...infaminy, inf... the day of reckoning!
I had a pretty normal day until that late afternoon when I felt like I had bad gas. Indigestion from he-double hockey sticks.
I went to bed that night and woke up around 2 am with this gnawing pain in the center of my chest. So I got up and the wife came along with me to the hospital. They checked my heart, took an x-ray, took some blood and found nothing really wrong. So they assumed I had the beginings of a virus, they gave me a prescription and sent me on my way.
I went back to bed, at least I tried to...
I woke up many hours later and the pain had moved South East.
Uh oh...
I headed back to the hospital and the same staff were still on duty and immediately saw me.
The Doctor took more blood and while the results still looked ok, he knew my appendix was going out. They put me on an IV and admitted me. I did not appear to be in any danger, they thought I had time... and so testing was scheduled the next day.
That was when they saw that my gall bladder had already given up and died out.
The surgeon on duty turned out to be the same surgeon I had before for a minor surgery. He talked to me about the small incisions they would make and how they would remove the gall bladder on Tuesday along with the appendix.
Tuesday arrived, I was in pain and could no longer use the bathroom. They came to take me away around noon for this simple procedure.
I woke up and it was nighttime and I was so heavily sedated that I did not find out how my gallbladder surgery went smoothly, but when they got to the appendix it had ruptured already and it had ruptured into my colon and my insides were filling with poison.
It took me hours for it all to sink in, how in danger I was and yet I found it hard to get worked up about. I was now in the safe zone, covered in bandages, IVs and cathaters. Kinda hard to get worried when I am recovering. I had to basically relearn how to walk. I was in the hospital a full week before I even ate a single bite of food.
So how am I now? 98% better. I am still weak, but I am working on building stamina. I live...
Shirley: You think religion is stupid.
Jeff: No, no. To me, religion is like Paul Rudd. I see the appeal and I would never take it away from anyone, but I would also never stand in line for it.
-Community
I am a very spiritual person, I just do not subscribe to any organized religion.
I do not mean to be offensive if I am, but do religious people have no faith in humanity? Everything good, every kind word, every action done out of sincerity is proof to some that God is good and alive.
Now, I am not saying God does not exist and nor am I saying he is not good or alive.... but, can people not be good just because it is their nature to be good to one another?
And going by this logic... things done out of malice must be attributed to ole' Scartch right?
Then what about things done in that middle area? Done not out of goodness or malice, but because we are just bored or feeling a bit... meh? Do we attribute those actions to Steven Wright?
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